What does this bit of Cockney mean?

In the 2nd episode of the 3rd season of Would I Lie To You?, a fragment is shown from a 1985 episode of London Weekend Television's The Six O'Clock Show, with someone purporting to be a former Teddy Boy saying the following:

"1955, Saturday night, off to Tottenham Royal. So it was crash, bash, sausage an' mash, two kip[per]s and a bonbon, little dab will do you. Really so, on the Barnet. And the combination was Old Spice on the German, little bit of Old Spice, tiddly-winky-woo, with the Brylcreem, bee's knees."

It's at the 6:33 mark.

Since they talk about a Cockney Bible afterwards, I assume this to be Cockney. And a rather contrived bit at that. And while I think I'm getting the general drift of what he's saying, I'm sorry I haven't a clue what he's actually saying.

From what I gather, in preparation to go out to the Mecca Dance Hall in Tottenham on a Saturday night, he ate (sausage and mashed potatoes), then put on some Brylcreem (of which "a little dab will do you" was the advertising slogan) on the sides of his hair and Old Spice on his face, after which he fancied he looked good. But I'm probably missing half of it.

What is he saying?

A comment pointed me to another question about the same fragment, that focused on a couple of phrases from that monologue. I'm interested in the meaning of the entire bit. For instance, "on the German" is not explained there.

Solution 1:

So this is a 1985 send-up of 1950s British Teddy boys' (≈greasers') personal hygiene as part of a general bit on Brylcreem, although it doesn't seem like that whole episode of the Six O'Clock Show has been uploaded anywhere to allow the full context.

1955, Saturday night, off to Tottenham Royal.

An old live music venue and dance hall that was playing rock and roll in the '50s and '60s, best known for hosting the Dave Clark Five later on.

So it was crash, bash, sausage an' mash, two kip[per]s and a bonbon,

This bit is the messy part. Sure, it could theoretically be a hastily-slapped-together dinner of fish, potatoes, sausage, and chocolate. More likely, it would be about slipping in references to pissing (via slash) and/or amorous strippers past the censors. Still more likely, though, it's going through the exact same routine he's about to describe in nonsense mockney. At the same time he's saying these words (which appear in actual rhyming slang for entirely separate ideas), he's miming washing or scenting his hands and then applying a spot of pommade to his hair.

little dab will do you.

Tagline for '50s Brylcreem ads.

Really so, on the Barnet.

Hair.

And the combination was Old Spice

At the time, still a cologne rather than an aftershave, deodorant, body wash, or whatever else they have out now.

on the German,

Hand(s).

little bit of Old Spice, tiddley-winkie-woo,

A period version of "Skinnamarink". Recorded in 1950 by Guy Lombardo and Sammy Kaye but seems to have also been a postwar standard at Brighton. Could be standing in for "How do you do?" as he's patting his cheeks and looking in the mirror or just a verbal flourish like ta-da or o la la.

with the Brylcreem, bee's knees."

Great stuff.

The most likely version of what he's saying is (ooc) that he's a posh twit mocking '50s working class young men and (ic) that a splash of American cologne on the wrists and cheeks and a touch of British pommade in your hair was just the thing to have a good Saturday night on the town.

Solution 2:

So, from the other question about this fragment and some helpful comments with unsourced but plausible explanations, I think it is as follows:

"1955, Saturday night, off to Tottenham Royal."

As mentioned in the question, this was the name for the Mecca Dance Hall in Tottenham at the time.

"So it was: crash, bash, sausage an' mash, two kips and a bonbon,"

According to the accepted answer on the other question, this means crash, bang, wallop or "after a short (often unexpected) period of tumult". Which means I was wrong about him eating.

"[...] little dab will do you."

The advertising slogan for Brylcreem, as noted.

"Really so, on the Barnet."

Barnet -> Barnet Fair -> hair So a bit of Cockney rhyming slang, meaning hair. Thanks to Kate Bunting.

"And the combination was, Old Spice, on the German,"

Another bit of rhyming slang: German -> German bands -> hands, with thanks to KillingTime. Old Spice being a brand of after shave.

"[...] little bit of Old Spice, tiddly-winky-woo,"

Again according to the accepted answer, "like so" or "ta-dah!"

"[...] with the Brylcreem, bee's knees."

Really, the cat's meow.