What is a less offensive synonym for "retarded"?

Solution 1:

Here are several examples:

When referring to someone who has mental retardation

Speaking as someone with a few years of experience working with people with developmental disabilities the current politically correct term is what I just used.

"They are retarded" becomes "They are people with developmental disabilities.".

When referring to myself

"God, I'm so retarded" becomes "God, I'm so silly".

Other possibilities include: foolish, dumb, and stupid.

When directing it at someone

"WTF, are you retarded?" becomes "What were you thinking?"

"That was a retarded thing to do" becomes "That was an ill conceived thing to do"

Solution 2:

Perhaps you could carry around with you this list of 125,000 Shakespearean insults, and just rattle one of those off, like: I'm such a bootless, beetle-headed boor-pig and call your friend a droning, doghearted bladder.

http://www.ariel.com.au/jokes/Shakespearean_Insults.html

Solution 3:

Here are some nice ones. Some may be more familiar, depending on your background:

• ass (This is not offensive! "Don't be such an ass!")

• blockhead (I especially like this one! Include all the other -head's: bonehead, meathead, thickhead, etc. "That bloke's a real blockhead!")

• buffoon (My brother's favorite! "You're an empty-headed buffoon!")

• dolt (I like how heavy and final this sounds.)

• dullard (Love this one! "Gosh, Jimi, you're a dullard!")

• dumbo

• dummy

• dunce (This is a nice, friendly term!)

• dunderhead (An elderly friend's favorite. It's so funny when she uses it. "Dunderheads!")

• fool (Not in my dictionary!)

• idiot (I'm in the minority that consider this word slightly offensive and hurtful.)

• ignoramus ("Stupid ignoramus of the highest order!")

• klutz

• moron (Way less offensive in the US but certainly not my favorite for friendly rebuttals.)

• nitwit (There's also dimwit)

• nincompoop (Got this a couple decades ago and loved it. "Scallywags and nincompoops!")

• ninny ("Ninnies and idjits, all of them!")

• oaf ("Shut up, you oaf!")

• peabrain (Don't forget the other -brain's e.g. lamebrain!)

I have only included nouns in the above lists. Adjectives abound and it would take ages to list all my favorites! Feel free to also use custom-made sentences. One that I find more humorous is:

• "Dude, your brain is full of sawdust!"

(A friend said this to me many years ago, and while I was mad then, I laugh now every time I recall the incident.)

NB: In my mind, all these examples are used in a friendly context, so I hope no one is offended!