Cheap and tiny car (ironic/derogative)

I am trying to translate to English a German sentence where a car is called a "Schlaglochsuchgerät" (literally: "Pothole detector"), which is an ironic name for cars small enough to fit into a big pothole, with small tires that make for a really bumpy ride on degraded roads.

"What makes you think five people could fit into your __________?"
"If the condition of that road degrades for another year or two, I may have to trade in my ________ for an AWD."

Solution 1:

There are 5 that might work:

Pillbox (which was a term by father always used in reference to the VW Beetle): There's no way we can fit the whole team into that pillbox! We need something bigger.

Matchbox: If you really wanna impress your girlfriend, that comical matchbox won't do.

Roller skate: Did you see the car Chuck just bought? It's only got 2 seats. How's he gonna fit his Great Dane in that roller skate?

Pocket rocket (the emphasis being on the contrast between the fact that the car is small but powerful): Hey, don't knock my pocket rocket! Dynamite comes in small packages!

4-banger (this is the opposite of PR, in terms of power): He's got 4 kids now, but he's still driving that 4-banger.

Solution 2:

“Tin can” is the term I’ve heard and used myself. Such a car is small and light-weight but not necessarily old.