A word similar to pride (without its troublesome patronizing connotations)

I came across your question while looking for the same answer! Only 3 years late…

Pride is, in my opinion, a deeply egocentric concept (which is why it's often seen as negative, certainly Google's definition speaks exclusively about self-satisfaction). The difficulty I've had in finding an alternative is that the feeling I wish to express when I come across this issue is still very egocentric: I feel good in your reflected glow (to paraphrase your earlier comment).

I've experimented with "I'm impressed by you(r work)", but this implies that you held a low opinion of them beforehand, and herein lies the problem: we're trying to express a relative feeling, maybe something like "your work is better than I've seen before", but this doesn't sound genuine at all.

I'm coming round to the feeling that it's the specificity of "proud" — parental, ownership-based relativism — that makes it work in this context at all, so if we wish to remove that aspect we might find that sense of genuine praise in picking something different, and maybe individual, to be specific about.

Rephrasing in a mildly deferential tone, perhaps referencing more of the effect the impressive aspect has had on you, might smooth off any remaining sharp edges:

• I'm in awe of your insightfulness
• Your attention to detail humbles me
• I'm envious of your ability (if you want to keep a deadly sin in there 😉)
• Your passion is inspiring

Of course, you can always flip the subject with a bit of linguistic gymnastics:

• I hope you're proud of what you've achieved, I certainly would be.

Looking at the definitions of the word pride, there is a definite implication that you are somehow responsible for their success. In particular, the fourth definition,

Pleasure or satisfaction taken in something done by or belonging to oneself or believed to reflect credit upon oneself

fits the worry you described. Indeed, pride is commonly used in the familial sense of a parent expressing pride in their child. The connotations aren't necessarily negative or patronizing, but I agree that using pride can suggest you are responsible for the success of the other person.

I'm a fan of Frank's suggestion of "honored" as in "I'm honored to have a friend like you". By saying it is an honor to be their friend, you are expressing that feeling of pleasure to be associated with them.

That said, "honored" is a bit formal and may feel awkward when said in speech. I usually fall back to describing other feelings, like "what you've done amazes me," or "I'm so glad to be here for your big day."

You could try

I am honoured to be your friend.

That should make it clear that you are not attempting to claim any responsibility for their success.

I think it's best to focus on how you feel about what they've done, as being proud can have a negative connotation and can seem condescending, as you stated. Sometimes, it can even relay that you were somehow related to their accomplishment, which may not be true.

Instead try something along these lines: "I'm so appreciative and happy of all the things you've done." or "I'm so excited when I see what you are doing."