Solution 1:

Well I got a USR Courier V.Everything Modem on Craigslist. Plugged it in and BAM Wvdial detected it. From all my research and what other people have said, it appears that Ubuntu doesn't have much support for internal modems.

My Courier is connected via a serial cable but a usb modem should work too.

UPDATE: Just realized I forgot to update after I tested it. I could get it to call a phone, but when I tried connecting to copper.net it didn't work. I think its because they don't support Linux, but I'm not sure.

Ultimately I guess dial up is not for the timid on Ubuntu.

Links US Robotics USB external modem

What USB Modem to buy?