A word or phrase meaning the utter failure of a work product [closed]

What are some alternate ways to describe a work product that is an utter failure, plus the additional connotations of:

Low quality; of little or no redeeming value; completely botched
Doomed from the start
Ugly to look at; atrocious; abominable; vile

One way might be "it was an abortion of a report," but while this has most of the connotations I'm looking for, I think it is too offensive. I'm looking for something that has the same punch without the loaded word (that to some is fairly obscene itself).

I didn't think of botched until I wrote this question, and it is close, but doesn't have quite the same impact or have all the connotations I'd like.

If you need more specifics about what's being described, then focus on a piece of computer program code as the item that was an utter failure.

Otherwise it could be almost anything: a report, a speech, a theatrical production, a TV show, a presentation or performance, an art or craft, etc.

10 months later

A single word is not going to be possible. So, I'm leaning toward something like:

This report is a vomit-inducing bowel movement.
The code is a misbegotten pile of vomit.
A well-polished, repulsive, smelly turd.

And to intentionally mix metaphors:

A festering train-wreck of an ill-conceived abomination.
A misbegotten, putrefying emetic.

Solution 1:

Low quality; of little or no redeeming value; completely botched

A complete fiasco?

Solution 2:

Wow, there must be hundreds of words for this in English, depending on the exact tone and connotation. Mild terms would include "didn't work out", "not what we were hoping for", and "not a complete success". More sever terms would be "total failure", "disaster", and "catastrophe". If you want to get more colorful you can always use metaphors, "a Pearl Harbor", "disgusting", "makes me want to throw up", etc.

(On the "understated" side, I am reminded of a speech Queen Elizabeth once made in which, referring to the year in which her son was divorced and her palace burned down, said, "1992 is not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasure.")

Solution 3:

'That was a disaster', as in

Her first attempt at frying an egg was a disaster.

(It failed, was doomed to fail, the looks of the end result made her weep bitterly, no one wanted to hear, let alone talk, about it.)

Solution 4:

I think the phrase "cluster-f*ck" could get pretty close to what you want, although it might be a bit too vulgar for some situations. The literal meaning might not make sense, but the idiomatic use implies a collection of failures/screw-ups that may also compound each other.

This project has been a complete cluster-f*ck! I am very glad I that I am not the one who will have to explain this to management!

Another phrase you could use is "train-wreck" and though that doesn't really cover "Doomed from the start", I think it covers your other two points very well.

Since you mention that you're talking about computer code, the phrase I hear most often used to describe code like you describe is "WTF!" or "WTF-code", where WTF stands for "What the F*ck!?"

The more I think about it, the more I have trouble coming up with a single phrase or word that also obviously includes "Doomed from the start". So you might have to have a longer phrase such as

That reporting system was a train-wreck from Day One!

That ill-conceived reporting system is a train-wreck!

To include the "doomed from the start" idea.

Solution 5:

It is a shambles.

Merriam provides these definitions:

b : a scene or a state of great destruction : wreckage

c (1) : a scene or a state of great disorder or confusion (2) : great confusion : mess