Is there a word for the excitement of getting a result, but also being terrified of what the result may be?

I'm searching for a word that describes the anticipation of a result of an evaluation, but that also takes into account the fear of what that result might be.

For example, I cannot wait to see the results of my code evaluation, but I'm also terrified that this evaluation might show, that I'm not a good software developer.

I was told there is a German word for everything, but I can't even think of a German word, that would explain those feelings. Maybe there is an English one?

Solution 1:

In some circumstances this might be viewd as trepidation

trepidation = a nervous or fearful feeling of uncertain agitation : Apprehension

"trepidation about starting a new job"

Merriam Webster

The Merriam Webster definition combines the excitement of a new job with the fear of its novelty, new people and the challenges it may bring.

Solution 2:

Suspense is suitably ambiguous.

'The suspense is killing me.'

suspense ...

• 2a: mental uncertainty : ANXIETY
• b: pleasant excitement as to a decision or outcome

Ryan Saunders mostly let the reserves play in the fourth quarter while the only bit of suspense was if Capela would get his triple double. — Chris Hine, Star Tribune

[Merriam-Webster]

suspense: a feeling of excitement or anxiety while waiting for something uncertain to happen:

• The suspense of waiting for her answer nearly drove him crazy.

[Cambridge Academic Content Dictionary]