What is a less offensive synonym for "hypocrite"?

Is there a word that describe a person who doesn't "practice what they preach"? Basically, is there a synonym for "hypocrite" that carries less pejorative connotations?

For example, let's say a friend of mine says he is a Christian. Yet he engages in behaviors considered sins by the Bible, making him a hypocrite. And I would like to tell him I think he is a hypocrite.

What would be a good word to use here, so my criticism seems constructive rather than offensive?

• I tried using a thesaurus, but the synonyms that came up were even worse (ie: they are more offensive than "hypocrite").

• Related (but different) question: Alternatives to "hypocrite", which asks what to call someone who knows they are in the group of people they criticize.

Solution 1:

Two alternatives come to mind:

I. Hypocritical (as an adjective)

Example: "I think you are being hypocritical."

I view using the adjective as less confrontational because it attacks the behavior, not the person.

II. Not walking the walk (the idiom)

I think this is softer too because it's usually used in lighter conversation, and thus has less of a knee-jerk reaction.

Example: "I don't think you walk the walk." (still a bit blunt though)

Starting with a question

In either case, you might consider phrasing the statement as a question instead to soften it up further.

Example: "Do you think you're being hypocritical?"

Example: "Do you feel you walk the walk?"

Solution 2:

Describing the person as inconsistent might be one option.

Since most people will agree that being a hypocrite is a bad thing, I believe that a "softer" word that means the same thing will still be offensive. I suggest that a softening of meaning is required, and perhaps some obfuscation.

Responding to comments:

I argue that inconsistent it is not "essentially synonymous" with hypocrite which dictionary.com defines as:

(1) a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.

To declare someone a hypocrite is therefore to pass judgement on one's motives and character. On the other hand, none of us are entirely consistent unless we have ceased to be. Calling to attention divergence between past statements and present action does not inherently pass judgement, though it implicitly calls for explanation. Changed beliefs, failure of will, obliviousness, etc., are plausible. Depending on his response (verbal and otherwise), no further confrontation may be required.

On the other hand, I believe the meaning is sufficiently clear because one fairly obvious explanation for inconsistency is hypocrisy, especially in context. Further I believe that an actual hypocrite will infer this meaning quite clearly unless he is self deluded.

Solution 3:

I think the word pretender carries less negative connotations than hypocrite.

Solution 4:

Since you are specifically referencing Christianity, I would like to call your attention to a term that is specific to this context: Cafeteria Christian. The word cafeteria evokes the notion of someone picking and choosing from a large set (c.f. food items from a buffet); a cafeteria Christian is someone who picks and chooses which tenets of Christianity to follow, while ignoring the rest.