Mr. and Mrs. Homer Simpson - Using husband's first/last name for wife?

I originally heard this in an old episode of the Simpsons, where Apu refers to Marge as "Mrs. Homer Simpson". I've also noticed something similar in the movie "The Wedding Singer" where the titular character refers to a newly-wed couple as "Mr. and Mrs. Harold Fonda", and a few other times on TV shows at weddings.

Why would one refer to a lady as "Mrs. ${HUSBAND_FIRST_NAME} ${FAMILY_LAST_NAME}" like this? Wouldn't it make sense to just say "Mrs. ${FAMILY_LAST_NAME}", since that's the name the lady has taken (assuming she takes her husband's last name). Why the use of the husband's first name in addressing her, when it's not a name she has elected to "take"? Is this common in UK English as opposed to US English, or is it some sort of cultural norm?

Solution 1:

By marriage, the husband and wife are one person in law: that is, the very being or legal existence of the woman is suspended during the marriage, or at least is incorporated and consolidated into that of the husband
(from William Blackstone's 1765 Commentaries on the Laws of England)

In other words, under common law (which is the basis of both UK and US law) in the 18th and 19th centuries, a married woman lost her legal personal identity and became an adjunct of her husband. A common way of saying this (I heard it in law school, and many unattributed variations can be found, as in Wikipedia's article on coverture) is that legally a husband and wife were one person—and that person was the husband.

The practice of calling a woman "Mrs. Husband'sFirstname Husband'sLastname" is a reflection of this legal fiction. Divorced women regained their individual identity, and so were styled "Mrs. HerFirstname Ex-husband'sLastname". It was a common practice in the 19th and first half of the 20th century:

Google Ngram comparing "Mrs. John", "Mrs. Mary",¹ and "Mrs. Smith".

The Ngram suggests that the usage "Mrs. John X" came to ascension in Victorian times, and then dropped off rapidly post-WWII. However, you will still find it enshrined in some very formal etiquette advice, such as:

A widow² is traditionally addressed as Mrs. John Jones, but if you feel the guest may not want to be addressed that way, it's completely okay to ask her how she prefers to be addressed. A divorced woman who has kept her married name should be addressed as you suggested -- Ms. Jane Johnson.
("Q&A: Invitations: Addressing One to a Widow or Divorcee?" TheKnot.com)

And it may also be used in less formal situations, either ironically or (as in the case of the Simpsons) for more straightforwardly comedic effect.

¹ Note that some of the earliest examples of "Mrs. Mary X" may not refer to married women, as "Mrs." was sometimes used for unmarried women before the nineteenth century. For example, in Jonathan Swift's 1726 Gulliver's Travels we are told that the protagonist "married Mrs. Mary Burton,” second Daughter to Mr. Edmond Burton, Hosier".

² Of course, a widow also regained her individual legal identity when her husband died; the "married" name was retained "as a courtesy". It's easier to find this tradition described for widows in modern time, however, as the high-stickler etiquette is more obvious for married women's envelopes—they are addressed "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith".

Solution 2:

The form of address goes back to 1765 at least. The Scots Magazine (February 1765) includes examples of three forms of identifying a married woman by name:

BIRTHS.

Jan. 13. At his seat of Wishaw, Mrs. Hamilton, wife of Robert Hamilton of Wishaw, Esq; of a son and heir-apparent {xxvi. 55.}

...

[Feb.] 13. At Bristo house, near Edinburgh, Mrs. Charles Lockhart, of a daughter.

DEATHS.

...

[March] 7. At Musselburgh, Mrs Margaret Aikman, daughter of the deceased William Aikman of Cairney, Esq; advocate.

(On second thought, and in keeping with the point in 1006a's excellent answer about unmarried women sometimes being referred to as "Mrs." prior to the nineteenth century, I strongly suspect that Mrs. Margaret Aikman was actually Miss Margaret Aikman, which would explain why she had the same surname as her father.)

The form "Mr. and Mrs. [husband's first and last name]" appears to have caught on somewhat later—perhaps as late as the middle of the nineteenth century. An example from The Music World (December 14, 1850) mentions, among the persons who "were also honoured with invitations to witness the dramatic representation" at Windsor Castle, "Mr. and Mrs. Henry Seymour and Miss Seymour."

These days, the "Mr. and Mrs. [husband's first and last name]" form seems to survive most commonly in donor lists. In contrast, instances of "Mrs. [husband's first and last name]" uncoupled from "Mr. and" seem to be quite rare (in Google Books search results anyway), although the form is not quite extinct, as this example from 2001 involving Mrs. William E. Massey, Jr., indicates. My grandmother (born in Ontario but a resident of Texas for more than seventy years) consistently identified herself in formal correspondence as "Mrs. [husband's first and last name]" as late as the 1980s—thirty years after her husband died.

Solution 3:

This style was still common in the final decades of the last century. My first wife (divorced 1996) was formally Mrs Philip Cole, and in pre-internet days I addressed letters to her while I was away as "Mrs Philip Cole". of course, in ordinary discourse, interlocutors called her by her own first name, or Mrs Cole

This style was considered correct and formal, and a polite acknowledgement of a ladies married status. A women's first name was private and it was considered impertenant if someone who was not family or friend made use of it uninvited - like the difference in German between "du" and "Sie". It was by no means an indicator of inferiority, although modern sensibilities may consider it so