What is the formal and somehow humorous way of describing one's butterhandedness?

I am writing a college essay and I cannot find a proper word to describe one's inability to move without dropping thing. the sentence is

... ended up in silty sea floor of the ocean because of my _________.

I want to plug something like 'coordination incompetence', but don't know whether it will work.

Also, I want the word to sound somehow formally humorous. Literary allusions will work as well.

'egregious dexterity' also used in 'The Works of the Reverend and Learned Mr. John Gregory' from 1684. 'dexterity' gives you 'the ability to perform a difficult action quickly and skilfully with the hands' according to the Cambridge English Dictionary and 'egregious' gives you extraordinary but in a bad way. Also it sounds amusing because of the element of surprise of combining 'egregious' with the positively connotated 'dexterity', because of the formality compared to 'clumsy', because both words have amusing amounts of velar consonants in them, and because it's like you're so brilliant with your hands that you've gone full circle and become crap.

maladroitness

Inefficient or inept; clumsy. ODO.