Is it rude to ask questions ending with 'or not'? [closed]

I'm not a native speaking English person. I asked questions like this "You want a drink of water, or not?" "You want to have a pizza, or not?'

Then I was criticized by a native English speaker who claimed these questions are rude. Are they? And I was supposed to start them with "Do you...?". Do I have to use "Do you" every time I ask a question?

Best regards, P.

The "...or not?" phrasing seems to imply that your correspondent has been undecided for a while, changing decisions back and forth and you are now urging them to make up their mind once and for all.

-- Let's go for a walk.

-- OK. But give me 5 minutes.

-- OK.

// 5 minutes later

-- Hey? Are you coming?

-- Umm... I don't know. I still need some time.

-- How much time do you need?

-- Another 5 minutes.

-- OK...

// Another 5 minutes later

-- So are you coming or not?

So I would say that or not may imply some sort of urgency or finality that may come across as rude in some situations, but naturally much depends on the context.

Tone of voice counts for a lot.

If I heard a non-native English speaker asking whether I wanted water, or not? with a pleasantly rising-pitched, questioning inflection at the end, I'd think differently about the asker's mood, intentions and attitude than I would if I heard anybody, native or otherwise, talking about whether I wanted water or not in a blunt, downward-pitched rhetorical-statement sounding inflection at the end.

The standard way to ask a question in English is Do you [verb].

Do you want to have a pizza? Or not? Do you want to have a pizza, or not?

If you chose to not use Do you as the regular form of question, this usually implies either that you know the person well and maybe that you have been having a longer conversation up to the point when the question is asked.

Want to have a pizza, or not? Want to have a pizza or not?

Dropping off the Do you is informal but most of all implies you are already in a conversation or hanging around with a person when you ask the question. So, it can be seen as rude if you ask a question without it.

Often, with children who have been making a ruckus, a parent might leave off the Do you in asking the question. In that sense, it is almost a threat meaning: If you [the child] do not start behaving well, you can't have a pizza. So, it can also denote annoyance or irritation. Couples when annoyed with each other might also leave off the Do you. Also, good friends might leave it off because they know each other well and in that case, it is merely informal.

The or not is neither rude nor not rude.

The more your question emphasizes the "or not" phrase, the more impatience a native English speaker will generally perceive in the way the question was asked. I.e. "Do you want a pizza or not?" is generally fine (although the "or not" is superfluous) "Do you want a pizza OR NOT?" would generally imply "Make up your mind!"

Also, "Do you ...." is generally used, as opposed to "Do". A better colloquial usage might be to just shorten the question to a single noun: "Pizza?" which could be used in place of "Do you want to share my pizza?", "Do you want to go out for pizza?", etc.