What is a less offensive way of saying "shoot the shit" [closed]

I have written an essay with a couple of different phrases in it, the first I need help with is "shoot the shit". The second is "difference between their ass and a hole in the ground".

I recently had it pointed out to me that the people reading the essay would not read past these and would not get the point of the writing. Any suggestions on less offensive ways to say both that have the same meaning would be appreciated so that I can reach my audience.

Solution 1:

Shoot the breeze is a common phrase synonymous with shoot the shit. Other similar phrases like chew the fat that come to mind are liable to come across as old fashioned.

Know the difference between shit and Shinola is similar in meaning to between their ass and a hole in the ground, but likely to offend the same people who would be bothered by your initial choices.

Solution 2:

You could say chew the fat or chew the rag in place of "shooting the shit".

For your second example you may be able to edit the saying "Can't tell your arse from your elbow" into the less informal "Can't tell your arm from your elbow", maybe even "Can't tell your eye from your elbow". I think the meaning would 100% remain and it sounds almost identical.