Is it rude to say commands or imperatives without saying please? [closed]

I've been wondering that for a long time. And if it is rude, then why does everyone say commands/imperatives without saying please? I personally phrase them into questions, or say "you have to","you need to","you can't"...and such. Does anyone else do that? Just me? I feel like everyone is bossy but me lol.

Also, I was wondering if saying "come on" is rude. It sounds mean or just negative when people do. Also when people say "let me" it also sounds mean-ish because it sounds like you are commanding permission from someone without them having any say.

Solution 1:

Ricky is right. "Good manners are part of grammar" or maybe grammar is part of good manners.

I voted to close this question, and I was wrong. The OP is a polite person with a thoughtful question.

My answer is intended to apply only when the addressee is a competent adult, although much of what I say may apply to children and/or incompetent adults.

As DJClayworth said an officer or an NCO in the armed services does not need to say please to soldiers. In any situation where instant obedience is a matter of safety , not saying please is better. "Duck!" "Don't" (as in don't pat the bear); "Hands up!" There are other situations in which please is unnecessary or even tiresome: "You go first" (to a burdened person); "Open wide" (at the dentist.)

But this isn't what you are asking about. Please softens the command or the request. Please do X. Please help me with Y.

Requests are often better as questions: Can you please help me with Y? Can you please do (or not do) X? And, as Hot Licks says, please can be anything from polite to offensive, depending on intonation, body language, the tone of the rest of the sentence and what came before.

As for "you have to"; "you need to"; "you can't"; "you should". It's OK if you are transmitting information, such as "You need to get a learner's permit before you can legally drive on a public road." It's not OK if you are offering advice that you have not been asked for.

Don't offer advice on topic X unless you have been asked for advice on topic X. Ask a question if you are truly worried (Have you seen a doctor about that cough?), and accept the person's answer without arguing about it. You can say "You look tired" but not "you should go on a vacation" and certainly not "you should live a little."

"Come on" depends on intonation. An alternative, "are you ready" can be polite or rude, depending on tone. "Let me..." depends on who you are talking to and what you are proposing to do. Open a door for a burdened young mother? OK. Leap to help someone you consider a doddering wreck, but who considers himself perfectly capable, thank you. Offensive. And when the addressee says, thanks, but I can do it -- don't argue.

Off topic, maybe.

Solution 2:

There are many ways to make a request sound polite, even without turning it into a question.

I'm afraid you have to move away from the door.

I hope you don't mind getting away from that door.

You'd look much prettier sitting in that chair with your legs upon the table than you do now, blocking that door.

I know for a fact that you're not a dumb twit. Only dumb twits get between me and the door when I need to use it.

And so forth.

Good substitutes for Come on!:

Dedicatoin pays off.

Diligence is a virtue, you know.

Whoever gets there first will get a cookie.

You'll never get married if you just keep standing around like that. Get a move on.

Get on with it, Socrates.

Good substitutes for let me:

By your leave.

May I, Your Grace?

Allow me, I beg you.