New Minecraft Launcher parameters and portability
Solution 1:
Sometimes it feels humiliating answering your own question, but today, I feel quite proud of my work.
|This| is PMC, short for PortableMinecraft. It's a super janky PortableApp I threw together that is configured to work with Minecraft. It downloads the Minecraft Launcher so you don't have to, and it will take care of the rest. It moves files onto the C drive temporarily in order to preserve your precious USB's memory.
PLEASE read the Readme, because it has important information about how the thing works and what little issues it has.