Translation for 'la douleur exquise'?

I'm looking for a term for 'la douleur exquise'. What I want to capture is the frustration of wanting to be something that everyone loves but knowing you can never be that, where frustration means a weird balance between blissfully imagining you are that and knowing that not being it makes no real difference, but wanting to be it so bad you physically hurt.

Edit: Apparently there isn't a phrase that translates directly to describe this, so I'll just have to work on my descriptive language.

The closest English expression I can think of for what you're describing would be: laugh, clown, laugh.

It's an English translation of the Italian, "Ridi, Pagliaccio," a line from Leoncavallo's opera Pagliacci. It is sometimes used in a literal sense, to refer to a performing artist; however, it can also be used in a broader figurative sense, to refer to anyone who puts on a cheerful front to try to meet the world's expectations, even though internally they are deeply unhappy.