When does an aunt’s partner or husband become an uncle?

Being the youngest of five siblings, with relatively old parents, I’ve always referred to my aunts and uncles as such, even though in fact only one of each pair is a blood relative. It never occurred to me as a child that in fact Uncle Ron was my father’s brother, but Aunt Pat was related to me only via marriage to Ron. So is she really my aunt?

I raise this because I’m in a situation where I’ve married a woman whose brother has a young son. He was age two when we were first acquainted, and as his aunt and I were not married I was, quite reasonably, not given immediate uncle status. His aunt and I have since married, however, so does this mean I should now be referred to as his uncle?

For some reason I feel uncomfortable referring to him as my nephew — I have other nephews and nieces via my own siblings — so I usually resort to “my wife’s nephew” or “my wife’s brother’s son”.

Any thoughts on this issue of when aunt–uncle status is acquired? Is marriage a precondition? Does the marriage need to predate the birth of the niece–nephew?

Solution 1:

Once you are married to anyone, you immediately assume the titles which the different relatives have to address you with. Remember, you have to get married before you get these title(i.e. you're not a brother-in-law, unless you are married and then by law you are a brother, although not a blood-brother).

It is not necessary that your marriage pre-date the birth of any of your 'gained' relatives. For example, your step-son will call you step-father even if he was born before you married his mother.

Solution 2:

In English the words "aunt" and "uncle" are used to refer to:

1. Your parents' siblings
2. Their spouses
3. Close friends of your parents

Additionally, "niece" and "nephew" are used to refer to:

1. Your siblings' children
2. Your spouse's sibling's children

Then there are the other related terms, like "brother-in-law" and "sister-in-law":

1. Your wife's siblings
2. Your siblings' spouses

We usually don't have more-specific words for these relationships, unlike Chinese and other languages, where there might be different words for all of these plus different words for which side of the family they are on, and the relative ages. So, English is ambiguous, but easy to use.