Are there similar expressions to the Japanese saying “I want to die on a tatami mat”?
Today most people die in a hospital bed, though many would prefer to die in their own home being watched over by their loving family.
We have an old saying, “to die on a tatami mat”, meaning to die peacefully in one’s own home — as opposed to dying miserably and bedridden in a hospital while being distressed by the presence of tubes supplying oxygen and nutrients as if one was trussed up with some sort of monstrous spaghetti.
For reference, tatami is a floor mat made of woven rush which you may find in most Japanese houses. (The size of a room is quantified in terms of the number of tatamis, e.g. a 6-tatami room or a 12-tatami room.)
“To die on a tatami mat” originally meant “to end a peaceful life” without being subjected to such perils as war, fighting, fires, earthquakes, tsunamis and typhoons as are rife in this country. By extension, we call a reckless person “a fellow who is unable to die on a tatami mat.”
I associate “aging in place”, a term which I understand is current these days, with “dying on a tatami mat.” But the connotation is not the same.
Are there any English-language expressions that are similar to the Japanese saying “I want to die on a tatami mat”?
Solution 1:
Different cultures are often difficult to map to each other, but the most likely equivalent is die in my own bed.
Agosto, I want to die in my own bed, in my own house.
Succession, Joyce Carlow
“I am doing nothing wrong. We are not breaking the law,” she said. “What alternative do I have? The other methods, to my knowledge, are either illegal or I would need to go to [the Dignitas clinic in] Switzerland, and I want to die in my own bed.”
Guardian 19 October 2014, quoting Jean Davies who committed suicide by starvation.
I saw you could live and furnish with grace
Even a lion's den, if you've no other place.
I don't even mind to die alone, to be dead,
But I want to die in My own bed.I want to die in my own bed, Yehuda Amichai, translated from the Hebrew by Barbara and Benjamin Harshav
Solution 2:
I can't think of an idiom off-hand, or a proverb which conveys the same delicacy of meaning as the Japanese “die on a tatami mat”. The nearest I came up with are: to die at home and to die peacefully.
The phrase to die at home expresses the desire to die in one's home surrounded (possibly) by family and friends, in the comfort of one's own bed. It is the idea of dying alone, without dignity, in a strange room, i.e. a hospital ward, and with strangers caring for you that many dying people wish to avoid.
When asked where they want to die, most people of all ages would prefer to die at home; in one study, over three times as many elderly wanted to die at home as wanted to die in a hospital (Kalish and Reynolds, 1976).
Aging and the Social Sciences
The second phrase, to die peacefully expresses the wish to die painlessly. Many will also say: I want to die peacefully in my sleep.
"All I want is for my mother to die peacefully here at home."
Hard Choices for Loving People
The phrase was used at King George V's death in 1952
His Majesty, King George VI, has died peacefully in his sleep at Sandringham House.
BBC On This Day
The top concern of the dying is that they do not want to be in pain – then that they do not want to be a burden and thirdly, that they do not want to be alone. The first and last of those are sometimes hard to achieve
The Guardian
Google Ngram
Solution 3:
It's abstract compared to the physical setting of the mat or bed, and there is debate about what it might entail, but I think it is pertinent as a complement:
To die on one's own terms.
So it's the verb to die and this idiom(see this question); Merriam-Webster says of on one's own terms:
in accordance with one's wishes : in one's own way < prefers to live on his own terms >
The debate has extended to the manner and time of the passing as well as the place, especially in the context of (degenerative)illness - which is not about old age. But the terms reflect, just like with living, the idea of the freedom and the choice it affords; it's about dignity and nurturing independence, autonomy for as long as possible in the environment of the person's own choosing, and ultimately choice for the human being in the later or final moments of their life. The meaning the person gives to life must also prevail in death, and there is awareness about how the caring must be guided by that. The chosen terms may vary with the individual, their traditions, beliefs etc..1
1. I found the following about the less fortunate scenario of illness. I did not know this person but it is a privilege to share what I read. The late Mr Eric Hampton was a choreographer and ballet instructor from Washington. He was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease in 1997; from what I understand the in-patient unit at Washington Home & Hospice cared for Mr Hampton in the last 2 years of his life when staying home was no longer an option because of the seriousness of his condition. Mr Hampton could no longer talk and used blinking with a plexiglass board with clusters of letters to express his thoughts(a long, and sometimes frustrating process no doubt) - until his death in 2001, age 54, almost 15 years ago. In his last year, Mr Hampton wrote a small diary for 4 weeks. I believe it is insightful so I reproduce in full his last entry from the week of July 3rd, 2000 with no further comments:
When I had to leave my apartment to come and live at the Home, I was bawling like a baby. To face another night without my darling Bruce, my brother, would be another night in hell. Of course, Gemima, my private nurse who stayed with me all through the night for a week, was a godsend.
I loved my old apartment. It had gone through so many changes. This last incarnation I liked the best. It had a sand-colored carpet and a linen sofa with matching chair. I had hung many photographs of my career and my company's career. I cooked some of my best meals for my friends at 1884 Columbia Road. Everyone was in the neighborhood. Butterflied rack of lamb, grilled vegetables, poached pears in red wine sauce. I loved my life there: dancing, teaching, choreographing, lovemaking, and entertaining. I had the most spectacular view of Washington and the monument. I loved my life.
from the diary of Mr Eric Hampton - 2000
Solution 4:
In my country we have the old saying "may it be a clean departure"; clean departure i.e clean death which has the following connotations: to die peacefully on one's own private place, to have a short dying without prolonged suffering, not to die in an accident, to die whilst you can relieve yourself and clean without the help of others and finally to die with a clean name and a clean reputation.
Solution 5:
The opposite meaning is to "die with my boots on". So you could say "I don't want to die with my boots on", or "I'd like to die with my boots off". This is VERY uncommon usage, and other suggestions here are better, though.
https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=died+with+his+boots+on%2Cdie+with+his+boots+on%2Cdied+with+his+boots+off%2Cdie+with+his+boots+off&case_insensitive=on&year_start=1800&year_end=2008&corpus=15