Perception of the phrase "kindly let us know..."
Recently, I talked to a native speaker about the proper usage of the word “kindly”. I frequently use phrases like “kindly let us know whether you agree with the suggested approach” in business letters to clients.
However, my American friend now pointed out to me that he felt “offended” by this sentence since he found it rather patronizing. I was quite baffled – of course, my intentions in using that wording are entirely different, and I always thought I was humbling myself when using this phrase…
But he also thought it was quite impertinent to actively demand a reply by using this phrase.
I am rather confused now. Is this an assessment shared by other native speakers?
Solution 1:
'Kindly' = 'please' in this usage; it's a hedging pragmatic marker.
However,
'Please/kindly let us know whether you agree with the suggested approach'
comes across as an instruction or even an order.
'Would you kindly let us know whether [or not] you agree with the suggested approach'
(still not needing a question mark) contains sufficient hedging for all but the most cantankerous.
Solution 2:
Your American friend is right in his perception that kindly may sound patronizing or forceful when used to request something from someone, as long as it states how the action has to be performed, i.e. in a kind manner.
MW's Dictionary of English Usage, Ed. 1989, states:
The "please" sense of kindly is standard, but a few commentators regard it with varying degrees of disapproval. Flesch 1964 states flatly that it "shouldn't be used." Evans 1957 finds that it "has a touch of unctuousness about it that may defeat its intention of being elegant or ingratiating" when used in such a phrase as kindly remit. Our evidence suggests, however, that its use in such a phrase is not meant to be ingratiating, but forceful. As Bremner 1980 puts it, "kindly is stronger and more formal than please and tends to connote the idea of 'Do this -- or else.'"
A related use of kindly cited by Fowler 1926 is in such a sentence as "You are kindly requested to return the enclosed form within 30 days." This is a fairly common way of making a formal request, but Fowler dislikes it because it seems to imply that the requester is giving himself credit for being kind.
And so, a simple and better alternative is please.
Please let me/us know is in no way condescending, and I see nothing impolite about it.
Please let me/us know whether you agree with the suggested approach.
Please let me/us know your impressions on this project.
To support my assertion, here is what C. Douglas Billet in Better Business Writing Skills, Ed. 1997, states:
Many people do not realize that Please + infinitive is very polite. They think that because it is so short and simple, it sounds harsh. This is no true.
In addition, such construction as Would you kindly let me/us know might still sound patronizing -- or even sarcastic -- to some ears and, for that reason, would be best substituted with Would you please let me/us know.
Solution 3:
No, it's a form of politeness, however it's a form of politeness that often gets added to speech when a person is not actually being polite, i.e. when a person is being frankly demanding in tone, but phrases everything in an ironically formal manner. So possibly through this kind of usage the meaning has been inverted for your friend.
Solution 4:
When we want to be polite in English we usually try to be understated and vague. In general the more remote and vague the language used, the more polite and we are being, and also the less likely it is that we will cause offence. Remote language will, for example, use hedging as well as modal devices such as if that's at all possible, by any chance, if you wouldn't mind, as well as the actual use of the remote modal verbs would, could and might.
One of the problems with kindly is that, far from being vague, not only is the speaker asking us to do something, but they are very specifically telling us how to do it. The use of the word kindly presupposes that we need to be told this, in other words it implies that if they didn't say it they feel that we would be inconsiderate or uncooperative.
One last issue here is the placement of the word kindly, which has some similarities with the item please. The least direct place to put please is at the end of the sentence, where it would fall outside of the head of the intonational phrase, instead appearing in the tail, where it is out of focus. Nice and subdued then.
Slightly more entreating and direct, but still fine, is at the beginning of the sentence, where it will be the first stress in the sentence and thereby form part of the head of the intonational phrase.
However, when we put it in the post-auxiliary position it makes the utterance less of a request and more of an order. It has the effect of making the 'request' much more direct. I suspect the reason for this is there is a huge contrast in pitch between the pre-head (the first few unstressed words in the utterance) and please, making the latter very prominent. Please here will still be the onset of the head, but more marked in this position. The preceding material is likely to be said quietly and at a lower pitch. Please on the other hand will be the first high pitch, loud syllable and will contrast markedly with what came before. (The reason for this, is that we like to put old information at the beginning of the sentence, and so, being old, this will be de-accented.)
Compare the following:
- Could you give me a hand, please?
- Please could you give me a hand?
- Could you please give me a hand!
One of the problems with kindly then, when used like this, is that it usually appears in the post-auxiliary position and cannot appear at the end. This gives it a too prominent position in the sentence, doubling its perceived crimes.
Solution 5:
Yes, the imperative is certainly an issue - but I see another problem:
Kindly let me know...
Is not only ordering me to do something, but strictly speaking, it is telling me that I should do that in a kind way!
If it is unclear why kindly refers to my letting you know, rather than to your asking, replace it with quickly:
Quickly let me know...
It is very obvious now that you are ordering me around, and telling me on top of that I should be quick about it.
And yes, kindly has been used in this fashion often enough that many people tend to read it as please, but that is not what is says, and especially if someone gets rubbed the wrong way by the imperative, they are more likely to overlook the idiomatic use and read it literally instead.
Now, if you want to kindly ask something, you should make clear that the kindness is yours:
I would kindly ask you to let me know...
Or, with the localised love of flowery expressions:
I would like to kindly request your response.