How many different parts of speech can the f-word be used as?

In an "interesting" thread of comments we began to look at the word fuck in several different uses. Most of them were interjections and verb uses as would be expected.

But, perhaps dialectally, the word can easily be used as a noun, and even an adjective.

I would like to see how many different parts of speech can the word fuck be used as in its unmodified form. (i.e. no fucking, fucked, etc.). Pluralization of noun or conjugation to fucks is the only acceptable variant.

The answer must provide real-world examples (i.e. no mere cramming of the word into a sentence and claiming it's an adverb!) And, I will even accept different verb types, adjectives, nouns, etc. (e.g. If you can find a grammatical way to use it as a helper verb, my hat is off to you.)

If you wish to get extra credit, then you can answer with some of the variants above, but only after you have made an answer per the above rules.

The winner should have both the most varied and interesting answers!

Just to make it clear, this is a word-game, and as such will be a bit broad or POB.

• Noun: "Like fuck you will!."
  • Also, since this is contended: Hard as fuck or Yes, thank you, I'd love a fuck.
• Pronoun: "I hit fuck-face over there with a baseball bat." (both cheating and plagiarizing @Joe but you said nothing about hyphenated forms)
• Adjective: "He's fucked!"
• Verb: "I love to fuck while eating duck."
• Adverb: "It was fuck hard", yes, apparently it is used by some.
• Conjunction: "I went swimming, fuck the cold." (as in, I went swimming despite the cold.)
• Preposition: don't think it's possible.
• Interjection: "Fuck! I was sure I could find a preposition!"

Extra brownie points (abandoning all pretense at seriousness):

• Auxiliary verb:

  • progressive aspect : He fucking sleeping dude!
  • epistemic modality : Wikipedia's example of How dare you! could be expressed in a single Fuck!.

Here you go, the f-word used in all parts of speech, with a classical music background (this is a classic): http://youtu.be/7LZSUYoNPMs

The transcript in its entirety (sorry for all the f-bombs!):

One of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word ‘fuck’. It is a magical word. Just by its sound it can describe, pain, pleasure, hate and love. In language it falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb both transitive: “John fucked Mary” and intransitive: “Mary was fucked by John” and as a noun: “Mary is a fine Fuck”. It can be used as an adjective: “Mary is fucking beautiful”. As you can see, there are not many words with the versatility of fuck. Besides the sexual meaning there are also the following uses. Ignorance: Fucked if I know. Trouble: I guess I am fucked now! Fraud: I got fucked at the used car lot. Aggression: Fuck you! Displeasure: What the fuck is going on here? Difficulty: I can’t understand this fucking job! Incompetence: He is a fuck-off! Suspicion: What the fuck are you doing? Enjoyment: I had a fucking good time! Request: Get the fuck out of here! Hostility: I’m going to knock your fucking head off! Greeting: How the fuck are you? Apathy: Who gives a fuck. Innovation: Get a bigger fucking hammer. Surprise: Fuck! You scared the shit out of me. Anxiety: Today is really fucked. [HiveFunnies] Source: LYBIO.net And it is very healthy too! If every morning you do it as a transcendental meditation just when you get up first thing repeat the mantra: ‘Fuck you’ : five time. It clears your throat too!

• Noun: "Fuck you, you fuck."
• Pronoun: "I hit fuck over there with a baseball bat."
• Adjective: "And they leave a fuck stain on my couch."
• Verb: "They fuck all the time."
• Adverb: "She fuck(ing) screams so loud, I got a noise complaint."
• Conjunction: "I take Viagra, fuck I last all night."
• Preposition: "Come fuck me later."
• Interjection: "Fuck! I stubbed my toe."

An important contribution to research on fuck is the classic article by Quang, English sentences without overt grammatical subject.