Server 2012 windows update stuck forever
Solution 1:
For anyone reading this: I finally solved the problem. After searching hundreds of topics I found someone who said disabling "desktop experience" solved his problems. I didn't understand why this would be related but I tried it anyway and lo and behold - it found 3 updates after 5min of searching. After restart, it now says "Your PC is up to date" - also after around only 5mins.
I have no idea why this solved it - we have some other server 2012 machines that have it enabled without problems.