Solution 1:

You have a configuration snippet /etc/httpd/conf.d/ssl_rewrite.conf

Typically such snippets get loaded by an Include or IncludeOptional directive

Include conf.d/*.conf

or

IncludeOptional conf.d/*.conf

from your main httpd.conf.

The problem is that those snippets only apply to your main configuration and don't apply to any VirtualHost sections...

Either include those settings in the virtual host definition, or load that snippet there:

<VirtualHost *:80>
   ServerName www.thewhozoo.com
   Include /etc/httpd/conf.d/ssl_rewrite.conf
</VirtualHost>

Or even better, don't use mod_rewrite and set:

<VirtualHost *:80>
    ServerName www.thewhozoo.com
    Redirect "/" "https://www.thewhozoo.com/"
</VirtualHost>