Origin and meaning of "You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar"
I'm having trouble understanding the rationale behind the meaning of an American English phrase of which I just became aware. That phrase is:
You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar
From what I understand now, this phrase would indicate that You make more friends by being nice than by being rude. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
My confusion comes from the fact that no one catches flies in order to do anything nice to them (Well, I suppose some people do. But it's not common!). When I first read it, I actually thought the phrase meant You'll have more success luring people into a trap by being nice than by being rude. This didn't make much sense in context, though, which led me to ask around about the phrase.
Where does this phrase come from? More importantly, why does it have such a counter-intuitive meaning?
You catch more flies with honey than vinegar or, sometimes you catch more flies with honey is an English proverb. It doesn't have a counter-intuitive meaning--if you are trying to catch flies, you are literally going to attract more with honey. That is, you're going to get what you want (in the proverb flies, but in life any goal) with sweetness rather than acidity.
This answer explains it similarly:
Flies represents anything you want to achieve. Honey (sweet) represents anything pleasant that you do to get what you want. Vinegar (sour) represents anything unpleasant that you do to get what you want. It tells you to use nice methods rather than unkind methods in dealing with other people.
This is a saying that means: you will be more successful in life being sweeter, or nice rather than being, mean to people, not nice and doing hurtful, dishonest things in life.
This forum makes some guesses at its origins, noting:
The proverb has been traced back to G. Torriano's 'Common Place of Italian Proverbs' . It first appeared in the United States in Benjamin Franklin's 'Poor Richard's Almanac' in 1744, and is found in varying forms..." From "Random House Dictionary of Popular Proverbs and Sayings" by Gregory Y. Titelman (Random House, New York, 1996).
It comes from catching flies. I think your main problem with this is, why would you catch flies? The reason could possibly be put down to catching flies to get rid of them. However, the underlying meaning of this idiom is that , you would experience more success if you were to be nice, rather than be un-nice. The analogy drawn here, is "honey" (sweet-tempered), and vinegar (sour-tempered).
The Phrase Finder states its origin:
.The proverb has been traced back to G. Torriano's 'Common Place of Italian Proverbs' . It first appeared in the United States in Benjamin Franklin's 'Poor Richard's Almanac' in 1744, and is found in varying forms..." From "Random House Dictionary of Popular Proverbs and Sayings" by Gregory Y. Titelman (Random House, New York, 1996).
Yes I agree that the fly refers to a negative situation or person. A fly is no-one's friend. Flies are not welcome, desired or embraced. A fly is a pest. I agree that the deeper meaning of this proverb refers to dealing with the unpleasant. And further that to disarm an unpleasant person or situation, one is wiser to use humour, sweet love and kindness, understanding and compassion rather than bitterness, anger, aggression and the like.