Is "with all due respect" now mainly used as a sarcastic expression?
With all due respect is an idiomatic expression which has been used with he following meaning since the 19th century:.
- This phrase always precedes a polite disagreement with what a person has said or brings up a controversial point. [c. 1800] (From AHD)
but according to the following extract from the Grammarist its meaning has changed in recent years and its usage now suggests a sarcastic and possibly disrespectful tone:
With all due respect has become an overused phrase, it is now often used sarcastically to mean the exact opposite of what it states. Political debaters and others may preface a rebuttal to an argument with, with all due respect. In this case, a subtle disrespect is intended.
In 2008, the Oxford dictionary compiled a list of the most irritating phrases in the English language, the phrase with all due respect came in as the fifth most irritating phrase in the English language. Perhaps because of its changing function from a phrase meant to mitigate hard feelings to a phrase that allows a subtle disrespect, cloaked in courtesy.
The same topic is discussed also in the following extract from The writing tips:
But in popular culture, the expression has become associated more with insult than with respectful deference:
Bill, with all due respect, you’re an idiot. –Stephen Colbert to Bill O’Reilly
Amanda Marcotte – With All Due Respect, You Are A Moron. –Blog headline.
When do you plan on submitting your resignation? I ask this with all due respect. –Blog reader responding to request for questions for Senator Richard Durbin.
The 2006 movie Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, may have influenced the popularity of “with all due respect” used to introduce a blatantly disrespectful and offensive comment. At least twice in the movie, Ricky Bobby says something extremely vulgar to his team owner. He has the mistaken notion that prefacing a remark with the expression “with all due respect” gives a speaker license to insult and offend.
Questions:
Has the meaning of this old expression mainly changed to a sarcastic idiom?
What alternative analogous idiomatic expression could now be used instead to avoid possible misunderstandings?
I think the phrase "with all due respect" has always been problematic when used as a preface for criticism. OED describes it as a variant of "with all respect" or "with great respect." The latter phrases imply that the speaker respects the entity being addressed, regardless of the situational dissent. "With all due respect" can really mean anything -- it could imply that the speaker believes the entity is owed no respect whatsoever, or that they are owed great respect, or anything in between. An idiomatic phrase with meaning that depends totally on context is naturally irritating.
I would argue that this is not new. Consider this piece in The New York Times, where a judge interrupts an attorney by sarcastically parroting the phrase twice, from 1896.
- The New York Times 10 Jul 1896 (paywall)
On the other hand, it certainly seems likely, based on the Grammarist article and the other sources the OP provided, that the phrase is used more often in a sarcastic way today than it was in the past. I think it's notable though that the most extreme cases of sarcasm are by comedians and bloggers. The phrase is still active with sincere intent as well. Perusing a Google News search on the phrase reveals numerous instances where the speaker or writer is not being sarcastic. I found these three articles published within the last 24 hours.
With all due respect to the Lions, who play a nice brand of football and aren't a bad team at all, it will be ridiculous, bordering on wrong, should they end up being crowned Super Rugby champions in 2017.
- New Zealand Herald, May 13, 2017
There's a new show that premiered three weeks ago on Comedy Central at 11:30 p.m. every Thursday called The President Show and, with all due respect to the SNL troupe, this show is even funnier and more relentless than anything we've seen elsewhere.
- The Daily Banter, May 12, 2017
“We saw a guy at Vanderbilt that was a productive guy, but, with all due respect to Vanderbilt, this is a whole different ballgame," Texans coach Bill O'Brien said.
- Houston Chronicle, May 13, 2017
Is the phrase irritating and better off omitted? I would say so, and apparently, a lot of people agree. Is it often used in a sarcastic or insincere way? That seems undeniable.
Whether or not it is mainly a sarcastic expression is difficult to measure, but I'll summarize with two points:
The phrase has been pretty meaningless and irritating for quite some time.
The phrase is still used often without sarcasm.
"With all due respect" is ambiguous. The phrase shouldn't be used in polite conversation. I'd dislike it if I was sitting at an event and have somebody said that to me. I'd expect it if I was throwing popcorn at the back of their head!