Make Windows Update update my program(s)?
I cannot find anything on Google so I must ask here...
Is there any way, glitchy or clean, that I can "register" my program to Windows Update?
The objective is to deliver updates to my program with Windows Update.
Windows Update is Microsoft software, operating system and drivers update solution. It is not meant to be used as a central update system for third-party software. Vendors have to implement their own software update strategies.
Certain third-party driver vendors can indeed benefit from Windows Update. But only under very restrictive rules that usually involve letting into Windows Update only the most stable and proven driver versions. Third party software is however entirely out of the question.
... at least for now and the foreseeable future.
EDIT: So, if by "my program" you mean a program you developed, your next logical step is to visit Stack Overflow and ask there about strategies to design your own software upgrade routines, or use other tools (like libraries or installers that add upgrade functionality to your software). Otherwise, if you didn't design that software, check M. Palavuzlar's answer in here.
Windows update is not designed to update the other programs. There is no way to do what you want. Nevertheless, check that question out:
Looking for a program that automatically updates all other programs