English equivalent of "amae" (甘え) - the feeling of pleasurable dependence on another person

Amae is simply defined as the feeling of pleasurable dependence on another person but there is more to it. I'm including an example sentence for the sake of showing how the word can be used but this is not the only situation that amae can be observed.

In a romantic relationship, the woman will mostly feel _______ for the man who supports her.

Amae (甘え) is a word from Japanese; and it obviously has a cultural and historical significance in Japan (which is the usual case) but the concept is not unknown to Western cultures. It is often mentioned as untranslatable but here is an explanation from kirainet.com:

Amae (甘え) is a Japanese concept/word that is used to describe people’s behavior when you desire to be loved, you desire someone to take care of you, when you want unconsciously to be depending on another person (your parents, your wife/husband or even your boss) with a certain meaning of submission. For example, a person with lots of amae would be the one who is capricious so he/she gets the attention from other people, children are the best example of amae behavior, always aiming for pamper from their parents.

There are extensive studies on this concept and there are translations of this word considered as not a good equivalent. Japanese psychiatrist, Takeo Doi, claims that there isn't any equivalent of this term and it is unique to Japanese culture; but the following excerpt is from an article that compares amae in Japan and United States.

Doi defined Amae as the ability “to depend and presume upon another’s love or bask in another’s indulgence” (1992, p. 8) and called Amae “a key concept for the understanding not only of the psychological makeup of the individual Japanese but of the structure of Japanese society as a whole” (1973, p. 28).

Although Amae is a common word in the Japanese language, it has no exact equivalent in English. Some translations are “whining,” “sulking,” “coaxing,” “pouting,” “wheedling,” “being spoiled or pampered” (Johnson, 1993) and “cherishment” (Young-Bruehl & Bethelard, 2000), but none of these translations fully conveys the meaning of the complex phenomenon of Amae. For one thing, almost all of these terms have negative connotations in English, but Amae does not ordinarily elicit disapproval in Japan.

Doi took the lack of an English translation of the word Amae and the complexity of the concept as evidence that Amae is unique and central to Japanese culture, but he provided no empirical data to support this claim. The lack of English translation and the difficulty in defining the concept may be an indication that Amae is more salient and more frequently experienced in Japan, but they do not rule out the possibility that it exists in non-Japanese cultures.

_{Amae in Japan and the United States: An Exploration of a “Culturally Unique” Emotion by Yu Niiya and Phoebe C. Ellsworth (University of Michigan), Susumu Yamaguchi (University of Tokyo) / http://sitemaker.umich.edu}

There is a lot to read and write about this concept but if we put the cultural differences aside, what would be an equivalent of amae in English and Western cultures?

_{Trust comes to mind but amae can be as strong as an indulgent love and as delicate as an infantile dependency. Thus, trust can be the basis of the amae relation but not the concept itself. Amae satisfies the subconscious desire for unconditional acceptance in a positive way but it is doesn't indicate submission alone.}

It is quite difficult to find a perfect equivalent of Amae, however I would like to add some information that will help you understand what the key conception of Amae is.

In the first place, you need to distinguish Amae proposed by Doi from Amae in usual use. He used the word in the title of his book The Structure of 'Amae.' (The English title: The Anatomy of Dependence) As you see, he put Amae in parentheses in order to tell that the meaning is different from the 'Amae' used commonly by Japanese.

According to a Japanese dictionary, Amae means an act or character of [1] wanting something from or sticking to someone, trying to be loved by them, [2] depending too much on someone's kindness, behaving selfishly. These are the meanings of Amae we Japanese use usually.

EX.) When a child asks their parents to buy a toy, you will find the child's Amae in this situation. They may whine, wheedle, and coax. Also, they may pout if their request is turned down.

On the other hand, Amae used by Doi has different meanings from those mentioned above. It is difficult to express it in one or two words in English. He says that it is a specific form of relationship in which you expect others to understand what you think or what you want without speaking about it to them clearly. This concept is quite difficult to understand even to Japanese.

EX.) When a child is taken to a shop, he takes a casual look at what he wants in front of his mother, expecting her to understand his feeling. Then mother herself comes close to a toy department and asks him about what he wants. In this case, the child himself does not speak about his request but expects his mother to guess his feelings.

This indeed is Amae expressed by Doi. Japanese tend to not convey their feelings, thoughts or opinions, because they think that they should guess it from the situation, atmosphere, facial expressions and so on, without asking. Doi realised that this character is unique to Japanese after he went to study in the U.S, where people express their opinion clearly.

I've never heard of amae before, but from the context that the OP provides in the question, it sounds as though any English translation of the word would have to be tailored to the specific context in which the word arises.

One aspect of the term appears to be a sense of protectedness that might be well-represented by the word coziness. Merriam-Webster's Eleventh Collegiate Dictionary (2003) offers two relevant definitions of the adjective cozy:

1 a : enjoying or affording warmth and ease : SNUG b : marked by or providing contentment or comfort

That feeling, it seems, comes at the cost of being the less powerful figure in the relationship, which is captured by the word subordination. Consequently, one way to fill in the blank in the example sentence presented in the original sentence is as follows:

In a romantic relationship, the woman will mostly feel cozy subordination to the man who supports her.

On the other hand, the person who feels amae may also feel thoroughly indulged by the other person, which may spark both impulsive and inconstant behavior and an intermittent sense of gratitude for the other's attentions. The most suitable adjective for the unpredictable component of amae may be capricious, which the Eleventh Collegiate defines as

governed or characterized by caprice : IMPULSIVE, UNPREDICTABLE

Paired with the sense of gratitude, this yields a second version of the fill-in-the-blank sentence:

In a romantic relationship, the woman will mostly feel capricious gratitude for the man who supports her.

The only thing missing from the description of amae above is any sense of deep affection for the other person. The one with amae to some extent plays the role of a spoiled pet, whom the master (or mistress) must strive to placate through all its inexplicable moods and wandering enthusiasms. The word is fascinating, but the social relation that it implies seems quite flawed.