A word for the heart-wrenching pain of wanting someone you can't have
There is a phrase in French that exactly means this: "la douleur exquise"
It literally means "the exquisite pain" and expresses the pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable. I think it is not used as a loan phrase in English and the translation does not make much sense.
Is there an equivalent word or phrase in English?
Note I:
Sometimes, platonic love is used in this sense (though not exactly for the pain) but it is actually an emotional relationship without sexual desires. I'm not sure if there is a semantic shift in the meaning though.
Note II:
“Unrequited love” describes a relationship state, but not a state of mind. Unrequited love encompasses the lover who isn’t reciprocating, as well as the lover who desires. La douleur exquise gets at the emotional heartache, specifically, of being the one whose love is unreciprocated.
Source: ~
Solution 1:
The term lovelorn addresses both the unrequited love and the emotional state of the person whose love is unrequited.
Unhappy because of unrequited love.
Synonyms:
- lovesick
- pining
- languishing
- spurned
- jilted
- rejected
- forsaken
If you are looking for a noun, there is also lovelornness:
The state or fact of being miserable because of unrequited love or unhappiness in love.
Solution 2:
You might consider the verb pining. It is often used to describe the anguish of separated lovers.
Collins lists two meanings that, when combined, seem to express exquisite pain:
pine (v.) (1) to feel great longing or desire; yearn (2) to become ill, feeble, or thin through worry, longing, etc.
Wordnik indicates pining can also be used as noun:
pining (n.) a feeling of deep longing
Solution 3:
When I was younger this seemed like a really common phrase, maybe so now too but I feel I hear it less. With your French phrase I would translate it as carry(ing) a|the torch
to be romantically interested in someone who does not share the same feelings.
to suffer from unrequited love
Usage:
- John sends her love letters once a month and never hears back from her. He needs to quit carrying the torch for Jane.
In my opinion it would usually be used for a relationship but doesn't have to. It is more about the expression of pain from one side about something that is out of reach.