What do “The great whatever this is,” “It can’t double dip if it never comes back up.”mean?

The surreal world in the New York Times article depicted by a seasoned editor at Harper’s Magazine who was laid off recently and experiencing bitter world, under the title, ‘A Beginner’s Guide to Unemployment’ was entertaining as well as relevant to me.

However I can’t understand phrases, “The great whatever this is,” and “It can’t double dip if it never comes back up.” the writer quoted in the following sentence. Are they 'so called' buzz words? Why do you need to place ‘up’ after ‘never come back’? Can somebody teach me what do these two phrases mean?

Lately it seems people have grown inordinately fond of using the word surreal to describe circumstances and events that are in fact only new and confusing. Take for example last week, when I had the misfortune to be laid off after six mostly satisfactory years from my job at Harper’s Magazine. My friends and relatives insisted almost in unison that I admit to the surrealism of falling victim to what another friend has taken to calling “The Great Whatever This Is,” and which I like to refer to as the “It Can’t Double Dip if It Never Comes Back Up.”

Solution 1:

These are economics / economic history terms. Given that the article is about unemployment I think the Great X referred to here is "The Great Depression", and the recent coinage "The Great Recession"...hence, "The Great...whatever this is."

As for "double-dip", that refers to the economy going down sharply, then rising, then falling sharply again. The shape of the curve is a double dip. What the author is saying is that a double-dip (which everyone is afraid of) isn't possible unless there's a rise after the first decline.

Solution 2:

Both of those phrases refer to the current economic situation: "The Great Whatever This Is" is a play on "The Great Depression" — popular sentiment seems to frown on calling the current downturn a depression, while recession doesn't seem strong enough — and "It Can't Double Dip If It Never Comes Back Up" comes from the concept of a double-dip recession (which is itself a play on "double-dipping", i.e. dunking your partially-eaten chip back in the dip).

Solution 3:

"The Great Whatever This Is" is a reference to the Great Depression. The economy isn't in a depression, but it is undergoing significant changes. These changes are "great" in some sense, but the author doesn't know exactly what to call them. "Double dip" is an ill-defined term referring to a double drop in the economy.